


What's so hot about aliens anyway?

by br0jangles



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Abduction, Anal Probing, Come Inflation, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Pretend NonCon, Restraints, Sexual Experimentation, Voyeurism, Xenophilia, clinical observation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24134563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/br0jangles/pseuds/br0jangles
Summary: KARKAT: WHAT'S SO HOT ABOUT ALIENS ANYWAY?DAVE: dude everythingDAVE: do you need me to spell it out for you
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 10
Kudos: 110





	What's so hot about aliens anyway?

The forest is alive and buzzing, the obvious sounds of death-causing animals all around him as Dave makes his way down the path. Well, it’s less of a path, and more like Dave is climbing aimlessly through tree roots and foliage at random. It’s not like he’s lost, though, he’s too cool to be lost. He knows exactly where he’s going.

He’s-

KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU IN THE FOREST, DAVE?  
DAVE: dude it doesnt matter  
KARKAT: IT MATTERS.  
KARKAT: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO IMMERSE MYSELF IN THE STORY IF I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON?  
DAVE: you dont watch a lot of porn do you  
DAVE: fine here

He’s been walking for a while. He’s been walking because he’s, uh, looking for buried treasure? He’s following a map. That’s why he’s totally not lost, because he knows how to read a map. If he’s right, there should be a clearing coming up a few hundred feet ahead, and then a path, and he’ll be back on track in no time.

Not that he’s off track. 

Soon enough, he finds himself in a clearing, which is completely not shocking for the audience. Of course the clearing is really there. There’s no path, though, and Dave stops to puzzle over his map for a few minutes.

While he’s puzzling, he doesn’t notice the noises of the forest dull away. Silence overcomes the clearing, until something starts to buzz again. It’s an unnatural noise, a sort of mechanical humming undertone, but Dave doesn’t notice. No, he doesn’t notice until something sweet surrounds him, filling his nose cavities, until he looks up to see…

Nothing. There’s nothing there.

He looks up some more, skyward, and _there_ it is. A big, menacing hunk of metal in the sky. Before he can get his proper gander on, though, the sweet smell overwhelms him, and he feels himself starting to black out.

He’s asleep before his body hits the forest floor.

KARKAT: WHAT KIND OF SHIP IS IT?  
DAVE: i dont know dude  
DAVE: are you going to ask for every unsexy detail the whole time  
DAVE: some kind of reconnaissance ship i guess  
KARKAT: WHAT WAS THE SMELL?  
DAVE: sleep drugs?  
KARKAT: OKAY.

When Dave wakes up, he’s in a room he doesn’t recognize. He’s laid out on some kind of table. It’s plush, like a bed, but skinny, like a cot. The words “operating table” come to mind, but he shakes that off. It’s not worth worrying about yet.

The room is otherwise empty. White walls with what looks like circuits running through tiles. There are no doors or windows, or light fixtures that he can see, yet the room is so bright his eyes ache. He misses his shades.

Oh yeah, and Dave is naked.

KARKAT: WHY-

DAVE: shut up karkat

He’s got a brace around one ankle. It’s heavy, some kind of tag with a number on it. Possibly marking his place in an experiment

The room is so cold, he’s covered in goosebumps. His nipples are hard as hell.

He gets off the table to snoop around a little. Maybe a walk will warm him up a little, he thinks. He touches the walls, but they’re even colder than the air is. He finds nothing in his snooping, except one thing. A closer look in some places, and he notices cameras embedded in the circuits. His first pass around the room, he counts twelve of them.

Twelve cameras. Who’s watching him? What are they watching him for?

He tries not to let it get to him, that he’s naked like this, on display for so many eyes to be watching. It’s exciting, kind of, in a sick kind of way.

KARKAT: DAVE.  
DAVE: what now  
DAVE: do you not like my vague description of the camera setup  
KARKAT: NO, IT’S NOT THAT.  
KARKAT: I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR FANTASIES AREN’T SICK.  
KARKAT: IF YOU WANT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TO WATCH YOU GET OFF, THAT’S OKAY.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: …  
DAVE: thanks karkat

It’s exciting in a totally normal and sexy way. Not that this situation is sexual, yet. Dave has no idea why he’s being kept in a room like this. No matter how much he snoops, he doesn’t find anything interesting. He’s caged up with no explanation, and eventually, he gives up and lies back down on the bed.

He raps a little, drumming against his own stomach as he lies there on his back. He’s bored, his own voice echoing off the tiled walls back at him. He wonders how long this is going to go on for.

Eventually, he gets bored of that, too. He looks down at himself and sees that his nipples are still hard. 

Interesting… so interesting. 

He strokes his fingers up and down his stomach, slowly, feeling the way his goosebumps prickle and light up under his finger tips. It feels nice, his skin warming under his own touch. He doesn’t even think about the cameras watching him as he moves his hands up and flicks lightly over his hardened nibs.

He sighs, feeling good as he gets a little more into it. He watches himself pinch and roll his nipples between his fingers. He bites his lip as he heats up from the core, his dick starting to twitch up with interest. He’s just about to reach down and grab it when suddenly the door opens.

Wait, since when is there a door?

Dave scrambles to get his hands off himself, humiliated to have been caught like this. His dick gets a little harder for it, like the traitor it is. It shouldn’t be so hot to be caught with his hands in his proverbial pants, but, well, here he is.

Thankfully, the creatures that walk into the room don’t seem to notice his predicament. Either that, or they don’t care.

They’re all in long white lab coats, very clean and clinical looking. They’re wearing black nitrile gloves and white masks, covering half their dark, grey faces. They each have brightly colored horns and piercing eyes. They’re-

KARKAT: DAVE, ARE THEY TROLLS?  
KARKAT: DID YOU JUST DESCRIBE TROLLS AS *CREATURES* DAVE?  
DAVE: no dude theyre just random aliens  
DAVE: way to read too much into it  
DAVE: if you want to think theyre trolls though i mean thats cool  
DAVE: i wont stop you from relating to the characters  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU, DAVE.  
DAVE: haha  
DAVE: okay where was i

They each have brightly colored horns and piercing eyes. They’re all holding clipboards.

All of them except for one. This one seems clearly superior to the rest. Dave thinks he might be a he; they all look pretty genderless behind their coats and their masks. 

But anyway, the hot one. He’s shorter and his horns are nubbier, but his coat is nicer and he’s the only one not holding a clipboard. The others obviously seem to defer to him.

KARKAT: DAVE…  
DAVE: what  
KARKAT: …  
KARKAT: NOTHING, KEEP GOING.  
DAVE: k

Several of them filter into the room, and then the wall seals shut again behind them. They’re talking, but it’s in a language Dave can’t understand. Clicks and throaty chittering, a vibrating sound that is as ominous as it is confusingly arousing. Are they talking about him? What are they saying? Are they looking at his dick? He can explain, he’s totally hard for a very good reason that doesn’t include being watched or getting caught masturbating.

“Heyyy…” he says, in that super smooth way he has that is absolutely charming and delightful. “Are y’all here to rescue me? I’m getting kind of hungry. I’m so happy to see you, I’ve been in here for a while. I’m probably going to have to take a piss soon.”

They ignore him completely. The hot one spares him one sideways glance, but it doesn’t feel like the attention he wants. It feels more like he’s being observed. An object for them to take notes on. That would explain the clipboards.

That’s probably not good.

Dave starts to get up off the bed, and _that_ grabs their attention. In seconds, several hands are on him, holding him back down against the table. 

“Hey!” He struggles, but it’s no use. The aliens are too strong for him. They strap him down with straps he didn’t even know were there. Did they just come out of the table? A thick strap crosses over his stomach. His wrists get strapped down to his sides, his ankles to the corners of the table.

He can’t move at all, and as if that weren’t scary enough on it’s own, the next piece is the final nail in his coffin. A heavy metal clamp rises around his ears and secures around his neck. It’s loose enough to not completely touch him, but it still makes him feel like he can’t breathe. He can’t move his head, and that means he can’t see what's happening anymore.

“Ha ha, very funny guys,” he says, his voice much cooler than the pounding of his heart. He’s splayed flat out on his back, legs spread, throat surrounded, completely open and vulnerable. Somehow, he feels even more naked now than he did before.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, DAVE.  
DAVE: i know right

They don’t waste any time after that getting to work. Of course, it’s the hot one that approaches him. He clicks a few words to his associates, and they take their notes. He tugs at the wrists of his gloves, and that’s the last thing Dave can see before he’s being touched.

They must have seen him touching his nipples on the cameras, because the way the alien tweeks them is almost identical to the way he’d done it himself. It’s good- it’s _better_ than when he did it. Something about the sterile feeling of the gloves, the careful stroke of fingers, the fact that the alien is super fucking hot- it all makes Dave extra sensitive.

The alien keeps playing with his nipple, just one of them, and his cock jumps in response. He can hear pens scratching on paper and he groans. “Look-” he tries to explain, “That doesn’t always happen, okay? I’m just under a lot of pressure here, this isn’t fair.”

Dave struggles again to free himself from his bindings, but of course it doesn’t work. He’s stuck. 

Nitrile covered fingers stroke down his body in a way that is entirely professional. Like he’s being examined and explored. Like he’s nothing to them but a specimen to be picked apart.

That should not make him so fucking horny, but it does.

He can’t see what the alien is doing, but he feels every clinical poke and prod into his body. When the hand grabs his dick, he gasps and bucks into it, only to be stopped by the thick strap over his belly.

The aliens chatter and take their notes. It makes him nervous that he can’t understand him. What the fuck are they writing? What are they planning? 

His dick throbs when the alien strokes it and he grits his teeth to keep down a moan. That doesn’t seem to make them happy though, because the hand on his dick squeezes tighter and strokes him harder. 

The nitrile of the glove pulls at his skin in the most uncomfortable and unsexy way, but it _still_ feels good. Maybe it’s all the eyes on him. Maybe it’s the chill of the room. Maybe it’s the straps. Maybe it’s the fact that he can’t see. Whatever it is, it doesn’t take long for Dave to break and shudder out a moan for his audience.

Fuck.

They discuss this new development amongst each other and Dave’s face burns hot with humiliation. It’s killing him to not know what they’re saying or see what they’re doing.

The alien drops his dick and he sighs out in relief. 

Of course that relief is short lived, though. The alien moves and then gloved hands are wrapped around his ankles. He adjusts Dave’s straps and shifts his legs, until they’re butterflied out and secured down again. A couple of extra straps are looped around Dave’s thighs for good measure, to his own personal horror.

Some more shuffling noises happen, and suddenly half the table drops out from under Dave’s ass, leaving him hanging open and exposed.

Oh god, he’s seen enough pornos to know exactly what’s coming next. His nerves shoot through the roof, along with his arousal, and he squirms again in his bindings, but it’s still no use.

“Hey, guys, let's think about this for a second,” he tries to barter, but they’re ignoring him. Nitrile fingers touch his asshole and he straight up yelps. He tries to buck away, but the fingers are relentless. He’s all nerves and poorly suppressed horniness when he tries to talk again, “Y-you sure don’t know how to treat a lady. Going in dry like that, shame on you.”

The hot one is standing between his legs now, and he can sort of see his face. He’s quirking an extraordinarily thick eyebrow at Dave, fingers coming to a stop but not pulling away.

KARKAT: MY EYEBROWS ARE NOT THAT THICK.  
DAVE: first of all  
DAVE: who said anything about your eyebrows  
KARKAT: …  
DAVE: second you have the weirdest beef with my writing  
DAVE: this is the part of all things that makes you interrupt me?  
KARKAT: SORRY.  
DAVE: damn and it was just getting good  
KARKAT: I SAID I WAS SORRY.  
KARKAT: DON’T STOP READING.

There’s some more shuffling noises where Dave can’t see what’s happening. When fingers touch him again, they’re _ice_ cold. He shouts and jerks, but that doesn’t stop the gelled up finger from pushing right up inside him.

The finger feels around in him, carefully, clinically, and Dave bites his lip so he won’t make a noise. The alien chatters away as he probes with his finger. He must be reporting his findings, because Dave can hear the others taking notes again. 

This goes on for a short time before the alien touches Dave’s prostate, and he jerks again and barely manages to swallow a groan. Pages turn as the aliens furiously continue to take notes, but Dave doesn’t even care anymore. He’s sweating now, so hard and so desperate to cum. The alien continues to prod around in his ass, stroking along his prostate with his careful, scientific finger.

With the constant, measured stroking, of course it doesn’t take long for Dave to cum. He gives a dry sob as his cock jerks and spills onto his stomach and thighs, probably getting all over the straps that keep him down, and he thinks _good._ He hopes he’s ruined them, for the humiliating torture he’s being put through.

He thinks that maybe they will finally leave him alone, that they’ve gotten what they wanted out of him, but of course that was only the beginning.

KARKAT: THERE’S MORE?  
DAVE: theres so much more  
DAVE: strap in my dude  
DAVE: well metaphorically  
KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE IM STILL LISTENING TO THIS.  
DAVE: its hot right?  
KARKAT: NO COMMENT.  
DAVE: haha okay

No, of course they’re not done with him. When a second finger pushes against his rim, Dave sucks in a tight breath, but it’s inside him before he can even think to protest. It feels raw now, even with the cold gel, his nerves shaking after his orgasm. His face is so red, he feels like he’s going to combust, but all he can do is lie there and take it.

A third finger is forced into him before he even really adjusts to the first one and the stretch feels like fire. His body aches and he pleads with them to stop, “It’s too much, please, at least give me a break first,” but the alien doesn’t stop. He’s still talking over Dave, and the other’s are still documenting. 

And even Dave begs, his dick is still hard and leaking, betraying anything he might be insisting about how he doesn’t want it. 

When a fourth finger pushes into him, he gives up, going lax against the table with a heavy breath. This is it. He’s going to die here, getting fisted open by hot aliens. He’s never taken an entire fist before, but at this point, he’s too delirious to care.

DAVE: dude are you okay  
KARKAT: I’M FINE.  
KARKAT: WHY WOULD YOU ASK.  
DAVE: i dont know dude youre making a face  
DAVE: just checking  
KARKAT: I’M FINE.  
DAVE: …  
DAVE: okay

Just as he’s resigned himself to his new life of anal fist probing, the fingers slip out of him. He breathes a sigh of relief, but his dick is less than relieved. It gives a little twitch of disappointment, being deprived of the next orgasm it was so close to working toward.

The hot alien chitters something to his associates, and the silence that follows is deafening. Dave wishes he knew what they were saying, or what they were doing. The metal around his throat keeping his head in place has grown warm with his body heat, but that doesn’t make it any more comfortable. He still can’t see what’s happening.

The seconds pass too quickly, and then something wet and squirming is licking at his hole, and he jerks in his restraints again. What the fuck is that, a tentacle?? Is this hentai now? No _way_ these aliens are about to stick that thing inside him, that so fucking hot, it’s not _fair._ It’s not fair how much he’s enjoying being displayed out like this, watched and used and probed at. 

He wonders, incoherently, how many of them are going to fuck him. Are they going to line up and take him one by one? Holy fucking shit.

There are hands on his hips, sterile, gloved, and then the set thing is squirming inside him, and he heaves a broken moan. It’s hot inside him, wiggling, curling, * _big._ * It’s so deep inside him, he swears he can feel it in his stomach. Licking, stroking, feeling him up in the most intimate way possible.

It fucks him relentlessly, curing against his prostate over and over again, and it’s almost stupid how fast Dave cums. He sobs dryly, overwhelmed with his orgasm, but even as his nerves fray and his body exhausts itself, the alien doesn’t stop fucking him. 

He’s shaking and sore and raw and _crying,_ he’s actually crying now, like, actual tears are streaming down his face, but it still doesn’t stop. He’s being ripped apart from the inside out. The thing inside him is so deep and moving and digging deeper, he thinks it’s going to squirm up his throat and out his mouth.

That’s impossible, of course, but he’s not thinking straight right now.

This goes on for so long, that his overused dick actually gets hard again. Or stays hard, he’s not sure. He’s not sure of anything anymore. All he knows is alien dick and humiliation and submission.

The hands on his hips move, and he had totally forgotten about them until they grip his open thighs. There’s a horrible moment of suspense, and then it’s cumming inside him. It’s so fucking far inside his guts, it fills him and _fills him_ and FILLS HIM until he’s bloated and aching and he thinks he might fucking pass out.

And then it leaves him. He feels wet, alien jizz spill from his hole when it goes, leaking erotically out of him, wetting him, making a mess of him, while there’s still _so much_ inside him. He’s breathing so hard, there’s a roaring in his ears, he’s dizzy. He’s totally fucked out and fucked full.

The aliens scribble away at their clipboards. The hot one chitters and clicks about his findings, and they all nod along. Dave doesn’t know any of this, though, because his eyes are shut and he couldn’t see them anyway.

He does hear footsteps, though, and then silence.

He’s alone.

After a few moments, the restraints fall away on their own, but Dave still doesn’t move. He can’t believe what just happened to him.

DAVE: and then  
DAVE: i dont know  
DAVE: thats all i got so far  
DAVE: what do you think  
KARKAT: WHAT DO I THINK?  
KARKAT: IS THAT A FUCKING JOKE?  
DAVE: oh boy  
KARKAT: THAT WAS SO FUCKING GRAPHIC, YOU SHAMELESS, DISGUSTING PERVERT.  
DAVE: haha yeah it was wasnt it  
KARKAT: I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU. YOU AUDACIOUS PIECE OF SHIT.  
DAVE: woah now  
KARKAT: NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP. IT’S MY TURN TO TALK NOW.  
KARKAT: THE “ALIENS” ARE OBVIOUSLY FUCKING TROLLS, AND “THE HOT ONE” WAS OBVIOUSLY FUCKING ME.  
KARKAT: I MEAN FUCKING YOU.  
KARKAT: I MEAN  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU.  
KARKAT: WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE?  
DAVE: do i look like im joking  
KARKAT: ASLKDFSLJSD  
DAVE: relax dude its just a story  
DAVE: no need to get your panties all in a twist  
KARKAT: MY PANTIES ARE NOT THE ONES BEING TWISTED, FUCK YOU.  
KARKAT: IS THIS WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT, DAVE?  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: i mean  
DAVE: its literally my sexual fantasy put on paper  
DAVE: i wouldnt exactly mind if it happened for real  
DAVE: not that everything i wrote is totally realistic but  
KARKAT: …  
DAVE: ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then obviously they had to act it out
> 
> happy birthday koa i love you ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
> 
> stay tuned for p2


End file.
